have i...? why they say or ask if i have moved on...? as if i was hurt or whatsoever... maybe i was but it didn't take me too long to get over with. i don't want to allow myself to lose my head over him, ewe... it doesn't mean because i was so maybe infatuated to him before that my head will be over my heels because of him, who does he think he is?! as of now well it's not that i don't care about him anymore but what i mean is i just don't want to be near him because i don't know i always get upset and i don't know why.. someone told me that why don't i wish that sometime i was a little kid again because skinned knees are easier to heal than broken hearts and i answered that well it's ok and i've already move on because i know very well from the start that we're not meant for each other though sometimes i can't help to think why him...? of all people... well i guess that's life and just have to go with the flow...
it's really hard to say goodbye to someone whom you've known like for more than a decade.. if i were to ask, i wouldn't let her go but what can i do? if i was her i would also wish or plan to go to another country to have a work that is suitable for me, living in country were finding a job or employment rate is very low... i was hoping or wish that i can go with her but not until i finish my studies.. well anyway she promise that she will come to my graduation day (hopefully soon...) and i know she will cause she say's so that she'll be here a year after... and if ever i plan to go abroad she promised that she will help me in anyway she can.. ask her 3 days ago what it will be like there living all alone...? she answered then that it will be really hard for me, but i know i can do this'.. that was her answer... we kept teasing her together with our friend that she can't do it and it would not take too long before she will be back here in the philippines, because the truth is we'll be really missing her so much.. she always plead to us that we must not make it hard for her and she needed our full support.. and it is what we are going to do. well i hope and i know that she'll be fine there with the people around her who's in full support in everything she does and so do i...
here i am again... i don't know, maybe i'm just paranoid.. i think i feel dumb and stupid with the people and the things that is happening around, not knowing what were they really thinking.. should i get mad or what..?! i also think that i don't have the right to get annoyed or hurt, should i? but to tell the truth, behind my joys and laughters right now is so many kinds of pains i try to hide... to get over with it, i tried to do a lot of things just to divert my attention from it, like trying to sleep late at night or eating as much as i wanted. though it's hard but i'm trying, because it's like almost everyday that this pain inside is getting worse that i can't almost bear it anymore...